YARD SALE FIASCO

Friday and Saturday of last week were experiences that would have tested the mettle of Mother Teresa: I was asked to drive several ladies to city-wide yard sales.

You wouldn't think it would take six hours each day to cover them. We’re talking about TWO days here. However, never underestimate bargain-crazed women. They stuffed a bicycle, a tricycle and assorted junk into our minivan, along with four ladies and two babies!

The first day wasn't too bad. It was the second six-hour-day that had me feeling like climbing onto the roof. The lady sitting behind the driver's seat brought a six-week-old baby. Was that crazy or what???!

You wouldn't think one tiny, pink scrap of humanity could be the source of so much unpleasant noise. The little um, tyke (I’m being kind here), continuously screeched like an animal being skinned alive. No kidding! It set your teeth on edge. And when Mama tried nursing Baby to soothe her, Baby made grunting noises, punctuated with sucking noises and mad cries (mostly mad cries). I was literally counting the hours until I could deposit them on their doorstep.

Oh well, now that it's over I can laugh about it. Only I’m not ready yet. Maybe next month or next year.

Just call me your yard sale-less friend.

P.S. In memory of the occasion, I’ve composed a song to the tune of Jingle Bells.

Verse:

Let’s yard sale Saturday.

The itch has come alive.

My pockets are stuffed full.

Don’t take your car; I’ll drive.

I’ll be there right at five,

With rolls and coffee pot,

We’ll hit the city-wide yard sales

And shop until we drop

Chorus:

Oh, picture frames, dolls with names,

Baby clothes for friends,

Treadmills, furniture and bikes,

This stuff just never ends.

Toasters, irons, beds and books,

Where will we put some more?

It’s so much fun to buy this stuff

But I can’t close my door.