How to Recover Your Memory

Did you ever have one of those embarrassing moments when you forgot something important? It happened once at a surplus grocery store. I forgot to pay for the case of yogurt under my cart and had to go back and give the surprised cashier some money—after the kind gentleman behind me in line called my attention to it. That’s when you practice your cheesy smile.

The lady who drove off from the gas pump with the nozzle still in her tank (that wasn’t me, by the way) probably wished she could first, become invisible and second, gain back her memory.

My friend Mavis has a theory about forgetfulness. It goes something like this: As we grow older and begin to amass information, our mental capacity becomes saturated. That is the reason we can’t remember the three items on our mental grocery list, as well as where we left our car keys or shoes.

I would add another component to Mavis’s theory. If our brains become so saturated with facts that more of the same would create information overload, then the best way to gain more space is to transfer files of information from our brains to those of our children.

I don’t mean to brag, but if the scientific community gets hold of this theory, it could revolutionize the aging process.

Here’s how it works: You walk into the kitchen and say, “Junior, I just forgot why I came into this room. Come here; I need to transfer some brain files.”

Gazing into his eyes, you say, “Here’s a valuable lesson you need to know. When you get older you’re going to grow nose hairs. They gross people out. Buy yourself an electric nose hair plucker if you want to be chairman of the board someday.”

Then you can add, “There, I feel better now. And I just remembered I was coming to take the laundry out of the washer.”

See how it works? I just know my children will be happy to do their part in absorbing the priceless information I have accumulated over the years. Next thing I know they’ll be hanging on my every word.