Cousin Rufus Goes to Town

We hope you enjoy this re-work of an older post, when Rufus began writing letters to his cousin, Cletus.

Dear Cousin Cletus,

Ah’m lookin’ forward to your visit later this week. My, there’s so much to do this time o’ year. I already picked the pawpaws but they’s still a few purty leaves on the trees if we tromp around and look.

You know mah birthday is comin, and the kinfolk thought I oughta go to town. Hain’t been outta the holler fer a long time.

I tell ya, Cletus, things has changed a lot since the Five and Dime wuz replaced by that newfangled big store—cain’t rightly remember the name—somethin’ like Wall's Art or Halmart. My ears don’t hear too good lately, so I can’t tell whut they sed was the name of thet store.

My, it has ever'thin'! After a while I wuz getting’ tired o walkin’ around, so I set on a bench by the door. And Cletus, that was the best part o’ the whole day. I think I seen one o’ everythin’ comin’ in that place.

They wuz people with green hair—green, Cletus! And these days about ever'body wears words on they clothes. You hain’t never seen the like. I seen people in their pajamas, in broad daylight.

Some ladies wuz so poor they had to wear their little girl’s dresses—about a size 6x I guess. And some wore hardly enough clothes to flag down a freight train. Poor thangs, I felt like takin’ a collection fer ‘em so’ns they could go buy somethin’ to cover they skin. But people wuz kind not to laugh at ‘em.

I seen lots of tattoos, Cletus, on just about ever body part that showed.

Prob’ly the funniest thing I seen was a woman thet resembled Cousin Jake’s 4-H steer when we wuz boys. She came in wearin pajamas. Ah guess she wuz in a hurry. Looked like she heaved outa bed without backin' up to a mirror before she left her house.

Well, that wuz mah birthday celebration. And I seen enough to last me another 20 years, if I live that long. Ah wuz glad to git back to the holler.

Your cuz,

Rufus