Cousin Rufus learns about acceptable speech

Image by Robin Higgins from Pixabay

This is a rework from last year, but more appropriate than ever as people tell about things they encounter at work.

Dear Cousin Cletus,

Wahl, ah done it agin. Left the holler to visit mah grandkids in the big city.

My, you jest wouldn't b'lieve the diff'rence in the way them big city folks live.

I learnt how diff'rent folks in the cities think, Cletus. You know how mah granddaughter works in some big office buildin' downtown? Wahl, she got into trouble fer somethin' she said---somethin' innocent, Cletus--an' had to go to this meetin' called sensitivity trainin'. All she said wuz, "Wow! The weather is really crazy out there today." An' they tole her she wuz offendin' people with mental problems an' needed to have her thinkin' fixed. So they made her sit through a whole week, listenin' to some bigshot talkin' 'bout how we have to be careful whut we say ever'wheres now.

Ah'm not sure how this happened, Cletus. When did folks git so sensitive thet normal folks has to walk around on eggshells? Mah grandkids tole me they ain't allowed to say "Debbie Downer" ner "Chatty Cathy" no more neither. Whut's this world coming to? Are we raisin' people with polyester fer brains?

Mebbe people in them big office buildins ought to git outside and breathe fresh air like people in the holler. Let 'em sweat a little and wear a few callouses of they hands, then they'd learn how normal folks think. Who's got time to wear feelins on they fingertips?

'Member, Cletus, whut Granddaddy used to tell us? He said, "Life ain't fair. Put on yer big boy pants and deal with it." Mebbe we oughta ship a truckload o' pacifiers to them folks thet's so sensitive.

Wahl, thet's mah story fer this week, Cletus. Y'all come visit in the holler real soon, where folks is normal-like. We'll go down to Lem's Gen'ral Store and git us a orange sodee pop.

Yer cuz,

Rufus

What about you? Any thoughts? Feel free to comment below.