COUSIN RUFUS VISITS THE LIBRARY

Dear Cousin Cletus,

Hain’t fall lookin’ purty this year? There ain’t nothin’ as all-out spec-tack-u-ler as a mountainside o' trees in the Ozarks.

Since the hills an’ mountains wuz lookin’ so nice ah decided to git in mah old Studebaker truck and visit mah great-grandson in the big city. Woo-eee, whut a eddycation thet wuz! Hit never ceases to amaze me how diff’rent thangs is outside the holler.

Mah great-grandson took me to the liberry first. Thet’s whar ah learnt how diff’rent thangs is. Ah ain’t been in a liberry fer years, so ah didn’t know whar to start. Ah wandered over to the magazine section and started lookin’. Thought ah might take one home to mah great-grandson’s wife, whut has a new baby. Won’t do that agin. The magazines whut used to be all about raisin’ kids and parentin’ wuz now more political. One article at the end of a magazine fer parents tole how horrified one mom wuz when her son tole her he was a conservative.

Wahl, ah shut that magazine and went on down the row. They wuz one with a pitcher of some woman on the front. Her fingernails wuz ever’ bit o’ two inches long past the end o' her fingers, and pointy and painted black. Now how do you s’pose she’s gonna wash dishes? How’s she gonna pick peas with them daggers hangin’ off her fingers?

So I shut thet one and kept lookin’ fer a normal one. Ah guess them magazine editors musta traveled to heathen countries, cause some magazines had pitchers on the front of people whut didn’t have ‘nuff clothes on to flag down a freight train. Poor thangs. Mebbe when they git more money they kin afford to buy real clothes.

Just when ah thought ah had seen it all, ah came across some magazine covers whut coulda won a prize fer weird. People whut never seen a comb or brush in they lives. People with tattoos on they faces. People with pink hair. Ah tell you, Cletus, ah walked outa thet aisle o’ magazines, ready to git back to the holler, where thangs is normal. Ah hope mah great-grandson brings his kids to visit me sometime, so’s they kin see how sensible folks live.

Y’all come see me too, Cletus, down in the holler. We’ll go down to Lem’s Gen’ral Store and git us a orange sodee pop.

Yore cuz,

Rufus

How about you? Any thoughts on pop culture? Feel free to comment below (respectfully, of course. Rufus is sensitive about his relatives.)