Graduation Humor

With all the hoopla surrounding commencement speeches, I thought a little humor might lighten things up a bit.

Am I the only one who barely remembers what the speaker said during my own graduation? I do recall a few others, however. There was one where the speaker used the Dr. Seuss book, Oh the Places You’ll Go! And my favorite was another speaker who used the Canada goose to illustrate leadership. (Apparently, his wife didn't proofread his speech.) He said, “Every organization needs someone to fly ahead of the rest and break wind for everyone.”

Those graduation ceremonies kept us awake. Even family members with attention deficit disorder sat up and paid attention.

But I digress.

Did you ever wish you could place a window in the minds of parents as they watch their progeny walk across the stage to receive diplomas? These might be their thoughts:

Parents of the class clown: (and my parents probably thought this about my brothers) Well, he made it by the skin of his teeth. I hope he left his air horn at home.

Parents of the class clown's best friend: I know he’s headed for something great. Dear Lord, please make it legal.

Parents of the Future Farmers member: Uh-oh. He has cow manure on his shoes.

Parents of the school basketball star: There he goes. Wasn’t it just yesterday we dropped him off at the door of his pre-school room? When did he become a girl magnet?

Parents of the cheerleader: Her mascara is smeared.

Parents of the student body president: How are we going to afford law school?!

Parents of the average student: Well, she made it. Now I don’t have to stay up nights helping her with calculus.

Parents of the honor society student: Wow, she got another award. She must have inherited her dad’s smart genes. I graduated “Thank You, Lawdy,” not summa cum laude.

Speaking of genius minds, my wise old dad used to drill this thought into us: If I pursue this course of action, or make this decision, where will I be ten years from now?

That philosophy held me steady when things got tough, and I didn’t feel like working another boring day. I’m glad to echo the sentiments of someone who came up the hard way.

Congratulations to the grads, along with one last piece of advice: Go out and get a job while you still know everything.

Your turn. Any sage advice for graduates? Tell us your thoughts below.