Graduation Humor

This is the time of year when some of us suffer cruel and unusual punishment: attending boring graduation ceremonies.

Fortunately, not all commencement ceremonies are boring. There was the one where the speaker used the Dr. Seuss book, Oh the Places You’ll Go! for a high school commencement speech. And another, where the speaker used the Canada goose for an illustration of leadership. He said, “Every organization needs someone to fly ahead of the rest and break wind for everyone.”

Those graduation ceremonies kept us awake, even family members afflicted with attention deficit disorder.

But I digress.

Did you ever wish you could put a window in the minds of parents as they watch their progeny walk across the stage to receive their diploma? these MIGHT BE THEIR THOUGHTS:

Parents of the class clown: (and my parents probably thought this about my brothers) Well, he made it, even if by the skin of his teeth. I hope he left his air horn at home.

Parents of the class clown’s best friend: I know he’s headed for something great. Dear Lord, please make it legal.

Parents of the FFA member: Uh-oh. He has cow manure on his shoes.

Parents of the school basketball star: There he goes. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I dropped him off at the door of his pre-school room? When did he become a girl magnet?

Parents of the cheerleader: Her mascara is smeared.

Parents of the student body president: How are we going to afford law school?!

Parents of the average student: Well, she made it. And now I don’t have to stay up nights helping her with calculus.

Parents of the honor society student: Wow, she got another award. She must have inherited her dad’s smart genes. Some of us graduated “Thank You, Lawdy” not summa cum laude.

Speaking of genius minds, my wise old dad used to drill this thought into us, If I pursue this course of action, make this decision, where will I be ten years from now?

That philosophy held me steady when things got tough, and I didn’t feel like working another boring day. I’m glad I could look in the mirror and echo the work ethic given by someone who came up the hard way.

Congratulations to the grads, along with one last piece of advice: Go out and get a job while you still know everything. You won’t even have to toss your mortarboard into the air for that.

Your turn. Any sage advice for graduates? Tell us your thoughts below.