You're in the Army Now

Our son joined the army a few years ago. In honor of Veteran’s Day I thought you might enjoy reading one new recruit's impressions of army life in this, his first letter.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Hey, just figured I would scribble you a quick note while I had half a second. I really should be sleeping now that I have the chance, but it’s also kinda nice to have something to take my mind off of everything.

So far the biggest challenge hasn’t been the drill sergeants or anything. The main problem is all the people around me who keep making the drill sergeants mad with their incompetency. I’m convinced that 75% of these kids have an IQ score close to their age.

Anyway, when I got here Tuesday night, they had the standard drill sergeants screaming as we all ran wide-eyed off the bus and desperately tried to make an offensive linebacker move to break through the panicking stampede and grab our bags to the sound of C’MON, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!!!!! Drill sergeants like to refer to situations like this as a (word censored by Mom). Don’t be mad at me for the term, that’s just what the army calls it.

Turns out that the first day of “serving your country” mainly just consists of watching videos, being herded around by people who are angry at your existence and standing in lines that only move about 100 feet every hour. No joke.

They give you a green duffle bag big enough to carry an illegal immigrant family of five, then you walk through lines and fill them with stuff they issue you. You carry it on your back, and basically only take it off to sleep and sit down while waiting in the auditorium.

It made for a really bad situation when some mouth-breathers got us smoked and I had to do pushups with the equivalent of a 50-lb. piece of jello on my back. It constantly falls off the side and down over your head.

On a side note, I’ve literally learned how to eat a pound or two of food in about five minutes. They have really good food and lots of fruit, but you have to eat so fast that I just get a glass of water and kinda wash stuff down my throat.

I don’t know how many people are here right now. I thought I heard someone say they were only expecting about 200 people the night I arrived but got about 500 instead. It feels like the whole US army is here.

Anyway, we didn’t get to bed until about 2:30 a.m. Tuesday night, and had to get up at 3:30 a.m. to make it to formation in time, then we put in over 18 hours that day. That was yesterday.

We got our heads shaved that day, and mine is already sunburnt. Today we finally had our uniforms issued. Word on the street is that we’re supposed to be here in reception till next Friday. Hopefully after that we’ll actually get to start basic finally.

Anyway, I really gotta get some sleep and I’m running out of room here. Later.

Your son

Any thoughts about military life? Feel free to respectfully comment below.